Omg dude fuck you.
Okay so.
My partner (boyfriend) thinks it’s so funny to tell me that when we’ve had sex while we’re high, he failed to use protection and got me pregnant.
Like seriously, I started crying and flipping out, then he’s all, “OH JUST KIDDING. LOLOLOLOL”
So guys. How’s your day?
(via wildsunshine)
Three months ago …
… I was at the absolute lowest point in my life. I was absolutely hopeless. I couldn’t bear to wake up & face another day. Thoughts of suicide never left my head.
That was three months ago, but now I’m starting to believe that I’m about to live that life all over again.
I’m only sixteen years old, & I’m throwing my life away. I know this sounds awful, but I feel like I’m just waiting for death to take me. I don’t really live out my life anymore. I’m slowly becoming a Deadhead. I’ll smoke cannabis with my friends (Which isn’t all that bad) but I’m scavenging everywhere, just to find something, ANYTHING, that will get me high, give me a rush, make me tweak, or numb my body. Fuck, I’ve sunk so low that I’m giving money to a boy at school so he can buy me painkillers and motion sickness pills. Fucking MOTION SICKNESS pills. What the fuck is wrong with me? Oh. Then here’s the crazy thing; Some guys I grew up with in my hometown, I’ve been spending a lot of time with them lately. They’re easy access to drugs. One of them has access to cocaine, which I’ve had issues with in the past, & I’m craving so badly to just relapse.
All of my life, I’ve gone through abuse. My father, before he died, was a heavy alcoholic. If I went to visit him on the weekend, the slightest thing to irritate him cost me a beating. I never had issues with my mum until the 6th grade. During that period, she would hit me, she would shove me, she would burn me with her cigarettes. That was years ago … But it’s beginning again.I don’t know what I’ve done to make her so angry, but it’s the worst feeling in the world when your own mother tells you that nobody will have pity when I finally decide to kill myself. It’s the worst feeling in the world that your own mother would lay her hands on you in the first place, and it’s the worst feeling that I’m in so much pain over this, but I still love her with every bit of me.
About a year ago, I met a boy. He’s my partner now. But when we first met, I was still in a very committed, very serious relationship. I left the other boy for him, only to find out that he’s been with so many people; people say he’s a “Man-Whore”. We broke up, I got back together with my first partner. In February, we broke up, and I started seeing the boy. I knew I couldn’t handle being with someone who’s been with so many others, who I knew couldn’t be sensitive to my insecurities, so I didn’t want a true relationship with him. One night, we had sex in the back of his car. On the way home, he held my hand, and I looked to the side. I didn’t want him to see that I was crying. That’s not me, at all. I wait until I get intimate with someone. I’m not the girl who just gives herself up so easily. The next day, we began dating officially. Last week, I went over to his house, and we had sex again. Not long after, he told me that he “Doesn’t regret the first time he had sex” and he used to cheat all the time.
…. That fucking broke me.
Okay .. I get that he doesn’t regret the first time. But, that’s not something you say to an insecure girl like me. It’s really difficult enough that I have to put up with his constant attempts to make me hate myself more, now I can barely look at him the same way as I did before. He always tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he’s in love with me, all of this. But all he ever does is hurt me, more & more. Whenever I’m with him and his friends, he brags about the nudity & porn on his Tumblr page right in front of me. He talks about people he’s been with. He tries to touch me and makes me feel like I’m just his fucking sex object. He tells me to change nearly everything about myself, and it makes me feel so damn worthless. I just … I can’t get over the things he said to me last week. I can’t get over the fact he told me that after he laid me down.
I feel like he can easily replace me. I feel like if we were to break up at this very moment, he’d find another girl to be in, in just a minute. I feel like now that I’m actually beginning to have some true feelings for him, he’s doing nothing but taking advantage of it. I don’t think he gets that I’m fragile.
I’m still living with the pain of losing my child. It happened over a year ago, but it still fucking haunts me. I wasn’t very far along, but one of my friends pulled a chair out from under me at school one day, and I fell hard. I went to the bathroom later on, and that’s how I had to find out. It fucking burns me inside. I’m still friends with the kid, but I fucking hate him for what he did.
There’s really so much more to me, but I think it would take up too much space. I’m gonna end it here.
So there you have it. I’m a Deadhead, a teenage whore, a punching bag, a sex object, a could’ve-been teenage mother.
Ohmygosh. You guys.
I’m so sorry to everyone who is following me, especially my new followers, because I have been seriously lagging on this account lately. I’m so sorry you guys.
I’m starting to use it again regularly, because I have gained back most of the weight I’ve lost. Today, I’m starting all over again.
So, once again, I’m terribly sorry, & I’m back for sure, to keep all my skinny loves motivated. < 3
Feel free to inbox me if you’d like my advice, support, or just to chat!
Follow my main blog; i follow back i promise.
Hello, Skinny-Minnies. I’m sorry to my new followers if I’m not following you back yet; Tumblr on my laptop is really slow. I promise I’ll follow you back as soon as possible! <3
Last night, my “partner” was being a bit of a jag.
So, like, he was high, like, he was blazed. But for some reason, he found that as an exuse to treat me like a piece of ass. He was texting me all night, saying really dirty things, like, “Come here so you can choke on my cock” & asked me to send nakies & junk. I was like … Really disgusted.
Well, that’s my update on my relationship problems. Haha.
What I ate today;
Coffee & Splenda with fiber- 0 calories.
Nutella (from the middle of the night)- 200 calories.
Handful of puppy chow from last night- about 100-130.
Went to the gym & burnt 417 calories.
4 days since last binge & purge.
Owtay, buh-bye skinnies. < 3
P.S;
Erm. So i’m finishing up my notecards for my “if you really knew me” video. But i’m afraid to do it alone. Inbox me if you’d like to join me in making a life story video c:
